There is no reality. Stop thinking there is. What the hell does it mean to be “realistic”? It’s superfluous, unnecessary, and impossible to be realistic. Because reality doesn’t exist. And, I know I’m getting philosophical with you all here, but sometimes it happens, and I’ll need you to deal with it.
Because I’m so sick of people telling me they are “just being realistic” when they are attempting to either limit my options or theirs. Especially, if they sprinkle the condescension on top of it, like I just need to snap out of my optimism. As if it’s something that is fleeting. As if having a positive outlook isn’t a way of life, but instead is a product of my present experiences. No, it’s a choice I make every day. Every single day.
And, so is reality. So, stop hiding behind the bitterness and the jadedness and then calling it “reality.” Because, that’s YOUR reality, not mine. In my world, the only aspects of my life that completely suck sometimes (see: #complicatedlovelife #always), is the one part where I feel disastrously jaded and bitter. I have an almost knee-jerk reaction to anybody that comes within twenty feet of me, wherein I assume that they will either have a girlfriend or will be some other combination of unavailable.
That’s MY reality. Your reality may be puppies and flowers and kisses in the rain with your sweetheart.
Most people find that their reality is harsh; it’s a “let’s face the music” kind of thing. However, I think your reality lies to you. Because, your reality is telling you that you’re not good enough, that you can’t find a better job, that you are stuck exactly where you are and you might be miserable, and then you say to yourself, “BUT THIS IS REALITY.” The only real thing about reality is that it doesn’t exist.
No more cloaking yourself with the false realities of everybody else. Reality isn’t that life is unfair. Or that excellence doesn’t spread on its own. Or that we can’t do our part to change the world. Or that our jobs have to be miserable. Or that life is a constant struggle. These are lies we tell ourselves to justify our dissatisfaction.
We’re not victims. Life doesn’t happen to us. We make it happen. I’m constantly creating my own reality – constructing it from the great bits and pieces I have lying around. Mostly because the reality I used to buy into was so limiting that I would have stayed within a small box the rest of my life.
However, when you start to piece together your own reality, the opportunities, well, they are enduringly endless.
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I would love to think there is no reality, but that’s just not realistic
You can say that by me saying ‘it isn’t realistic’ I will forever be limiting myself, but some things in life just aren’t a reality. For example, I would love to quit my job and open up a coffee shop TODAY, right now, right this second. But, it’s just not a reality – I don’t have the money, I can’t afford to quit my job, etc. etc. – this is one example of many, but an example nonetheless.
I think rather than questioning ‘what is realistic?’ we have to look at our own state of mind, I think when we tell ourselves that something isn’t realistic, and because it isn’t we just never try – we’re really doing ourselves a disservice. Something might not be possible at the present time, but the final line of your post is spot on, the possibilities in front of us are endless. It’s up to us to MAKE things a reality when they may not be, achieve the impossible and all that, right?
It comes down to PERSONAL INTENT – wanting to achieve things and actually doing it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but knowing that in time, our unrealistic ideals can and will become a reality.
Brilliant!
You have just written the words I’ve been floating around in my head for the past few days!
I seem to fight an endless battle against cynical “realists” who are constantly patronizing my optimist approach to things. Your words are exactly what I’ve been wanting to say, but yet have held back in the spirit of professionalism!
I feel alot better having read your comments though, at least I know I’m not the only one fighting the same battle.
Cheers!
I’ll say something personal before getting into the topic.
This post is so filled with powerful sentences, that I ask you to bookmark it and re-read it every time you may doubt your content. Because, Jamie, damn you can write!
Now, I get what you’re trying to say, and I’m with you, but I think you’re mixing negativity with reality. Shit happens. IT’s important to accept it. What we have to focus on is in mantaining our positive attitude.
I agree that we have endless oportunities, but believing that EVERYTHING is up to you, may leave to some very hard desilusions. Because it’s not. And we have to be able to deal with them, instead of rejecting them as unrealistic.
Your attitude is awesome, your life decisions have been very wise, and your personal situation is privileged. But I wouldn’t recommend this to other people, since reality may not help them as it helped you. It’s not ONLY about attitudes. Talent, intelligence, skills, they matter. A lot. And some people just don’t have it.
Don’t deny reality. Embrace it, so you know how to change it
I loved it Jamie.
I really like that you distinguish between your reality and other peoples’ reality. I’ve always tended to live in the “yeah, shit happens that you can’t control and sometimes life sucks but that doesn’t mean you have to perpetuate it” sort of reality. There’s the reality of things that happen to you and then the reality of how you deal with and adapt to situations. I feel like I’m pretty good at accepting the cold, bitter truth of reality and then giving it a giant “f you”.
Sure, money is always an issue (for most of us), but if your job is making you miserable, you can quit and find something that’ll at least work until you figure out what you really want. Yeah, going back to school is expensive, but if you really want it, you can take the time to find scholarships or grants or other financial aid. Nobody is as truly stuck or as fettered to responsibility as they think they are. Changing your life may involve some risk but if one really really wants to change, if one is already unhappy with their life, than what is there to lose?
Well, speaking as one who has labored his whole long life as in a harness, dancing to others’ drumming, grinding away at making a living while keeping the tiny flame of my dream alive – my dream also, like yours, that reality isn’t quite so real as the ‘realists’ would have it – and also speaking as one who just now finally can shrug off those traces because my daughters are pretty much raised, and facing down the astonished gape-mouthed stares of those who can’t believe I would quit a good job in this lousy economy with nothing else lined up, and facing down as well, though not without tears, those who feel abandoned by me, who actually did and do love me right where I am, I take the secret thumbs up from people who’d like to do the same thing, but haven’t, yet, the nerve. The courage? The foolishness.
I’ve managed to love all my jobs. I’ve found plenty of outlets for creativity. But I’m old enough now to shrug off fear and give my dream a shot. The one that’s so impractical that it amounts to a backyard rocket to the moon. I’m not actually certain I should have done it sooner. I know I couldn’t have done it sooner. And I have no regrets at all. The love will come when you stop looking for it. Reality is a dream which you won’t be able to avoid. So, hang in there Jamie. Keep following your dreams. Otherwise, the reality becomes a nightmare cage, and your inner spirit dulls. But patience is essential. As that great last lecture guy pointed out, brick walls are for all those other people who get stopped by them.
I love this post. It really speaks to negative people who try to bring others down because they are not happy with their own situation. I have been thinking a lot about this lately and have found that most people who tell you to be realistic are just unhappy with their life. If you let someone else’s reality get in the way of what you want to achieve with your own life, your passion for the topic was never enough in the beginning.
I think that Gary Vaynerchuk is a good example of how we all have different realities. If I wanted to make money from making videos about wine, that wouldn’t be realistic in my own vision of reality. But Gary can make it work because his passion for wine is infectious, as can be seen by his video wine podcast. I prefer beer myself, so I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.
Thank you for this post. I think I have probably been on the side of the “realists” as far as the reality thing is concerned, but I have recently been trying to unravel the twisted web of “reality” which I have managed to entangle myself into. I think this has helped me do that a little
It’s time to jump down the rabbit hole.
Nice to see others looking outside of Reality, not just the ‘Box’. I totally get how your kinda pissed at other poeple trying to impose their limitation on you under the protector of Be Realistic. Can I suggest something here- A sense of humour about this whole thing is an amazing gift. Iam liek yourself I KNOW of a greater possibility and when people challenge me on it or I suggest it to them, I always deliver it with a lightness that makes it a lot easier to ‘Recieve’. However if im all flustered and exasperated about it (as I used to be) they kinda laugh it off and dismiss you as a loon.
Just and observation
Nice work all the same