Credit: Paolo Màrgari
The past brands us like cattle. The only thing we can hope for is that the scar can lighten and remind us where we’ve been, not identify us forever.
I still hear the whispers of a negative past inside my head. My life’s work is to make those inaudible. To make those scars so faint that I can only identify them if I try hard, looking for remnants of who I used to be and evidence of how far I’ve come.
I’ll admit that going to Italy is about finding myself in a place where no one knows me. Where culture and language are my barriers and the only way to thrive is to become grounded in who I am, not who I think I am or could be. It’s about taking my life as it is here and moving it to a place that will test what I feel are my strengths and more importantly, test the validity of what I consider are my flaws.
It’s not about reinventing, but securing. It’s about looking at my scars and lightening the ones that no longer hint at who I am becoming. And highlight the ones that have fueled my journey thus far.
No doubt I’ll fall on the cobblestone sidewalks of Italy, both figuratively and literally. I’ll falter and cry into my computer, in an email or a blog post or into my web cam, hoping for someone to convince me to come home. It will challenge me and help me to fall apart, so I can piece myself together again, only keeping the parts of myself I adore.
I’m not afraid of failing, of taking this risk, because I need progress. I need to venture out in order to truly venture in.
It’s time I face, head on, the doubts in my head and decide if they’re lies or just dead weight I’m carrying around out of the fear of an unknown future.
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I say, fall then, in the name of progress. And do take advantage of every minuscule thing while you’re there. Even six months to year can go by quickly if you’re not paying attention.
Jamie:
When I went to France back in November for a month, I was completely on my own. I was scared out of my mind, a bit lost inside of myself, using the writing retreat as an excuse to find myself again. But I pushed forward because it was something I wanted, something I needed. Little did I know that I would find that and so much more; little did I know that I would be challenged and tested every step of the way.
When I left my family, I cried. When I said goodbye to my dog, I bawled. When I missed my connecting flight and my train, I cried. And when I finally got to where I was going, I sighed in relief. And then cried in relief.
When I returned, I returned a changed person. I’ve never been more grateful for an experience. I say all of this because travel changes you in a way that is so different from anything else. You learn self-reliance. You learn flexibility. You learn to trust in yourself, listen to your intuition, you learn independence. You learn what you’re capable of, the stuff that you’re made of.
I have no doubt that you are going to have the time of your life in Italy — it will be peppered with homesickness, to be sure, but a little gelato should sweeten that deal
Just remember the reason why you’re going, just keep in mind the experiences you’ll have, just remember that this is what life is all about.
You’re going to soar, Jamie. Get those wings ready.
And, you know, if you want to take me with you, I fit nicely in a carry-on
I’ll say this. I don’t think you NEED to venture out to venture in. Changing your surroundings isn’t necessary in discovering who you are (I’ve had this conversation with many people). But on the same token, a change of scenery can provide us with new found inspiration and perspective. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll come back to our neck of the woods so very wise and ready to take on the world!
The most accomplished moments in my life are the ones that at the time were messy, spontaneous, uncertain and unplanned. I think you’re going to find all that in Italy. Let crying be part of it but you’re already embracing the uncertainty which to me shows you’re golden. It’s going to shape and mold you, guaranteed
Plus, Italians are too loving (and beautiful to look at) for you to be frustrated even amongst uncertainty. You will find your very own, la dolce vita.
I won’t convince you to come home, I’ll just come visit you more often.
This picture is really stunning.
You know who to call if you need convincing – but it would only be to stay in Italy. =)
Jamie, I’ve been following your story since you burst onto the scene with twittershouldhireme.com and why you quit that crappy job … this is a totally great thing you’re doing, preparing to live abroad. I’m planning the same thing. Really looking forward to reading about your adventures in Italy!