What if you attained huge, massive, “I’m famous!” status because you were really good looking? What if it was because you were extremely intelligent? What about if you lied and clawed your way to the top, not worrying about the people you had to tear to shreds in order to get there? What if you got there by sleeping with people who could advance you?
When you’re at the top, does it all mean the same? Once you get there, does it matter if you’ve been honest or kept your integrity or kept your clothes on?
My take? I don’t feel like all popularity, fame, or success is created equally. If you got to the top without your integrity, than your success is less-than, in my eyes. If you got that job because you slept with someone or because you lied on your resume or because you sold someone else out, then, no, your success isn’t really success. Actually, no, your success is that you knew how to manipulate the game and you successfully made it clear that your values are nil.
We usually see people at the top. We don’t question how or why they are there; we just know they are and somehow that means worth exemplifying. But, I think it’s incredibly important to know how someone got their success, because, to be cliche, the journey is just as important (if not more so), then the destination.
If selling myself out means gaining more success, then I need to renegotiate what success looks like to me. If I need to compromise my values, bend the rules, and make questionable choices, then even if I get to the top, I’m going to feel pretty low. Stepping on you in order to get a leg up is basically the admittance to my own defeat.
I choose to idolize those that got to the top with their integrity in tact. There aren’t many people out there, but they are the diamonds in the rough. The woman who is a Grammy award winning singer without having to change her appearance to fit into society’s strict confines of beauty (Adele). The woman who is an icon because she’s honest, authentic, and real (Ellen). The guy who gives amazing advice and who answers emails within 24 hours, seriously (Seth Godin).
What do you think? Is all popularity created equally? Does the journey not matter as long as you get to the top?
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I recently had to choose between my integrity and my safety.
I may not be safe at work anymore. But I’ll be able to sleep at night.
When having to choose, one movie phrase came to my mind. It’s Keith Richards’ quote, the pirate, talking to his son Jack Sparrow:
“It’s not about living forever. It’s about living with yourself forever.”
It makes me upset that you even had to make a decision between your integrity and safety. Kudos to you for making the right decision, in my opinion, but shame on whoever put you in that position.
Great quote. I think people forget that we judge ourselves more harshly than others judge us.
Great post! I think this is a tough question, because it’s never just one thing that gets someone to the ‘top’–including sex, good looks, or intelligence.
I love Ellen, SethG, and Adele! But I’m sure each of them have been accused of having integrity issues. One person’s ‘authentic and real’ is another person’s ‘inappropriate and weird’.
Ultimately I feel like I define success at the top by how you use the subsequent power. If someone got famous by sleeping with many men, but is now able to do something really positive with the money–they’re successful. Their means justify the end.
Of course there’s a line where your means become harmful and don’t justify any end in my mind, it’s just not sex (for me).
See, I don’t know if I agree that it doesn’t matter how you got there, but what you do once you’re there. I mean, ok, if you make some questionable decisions by mistake, then ok. But, most people are cognizant of the bad decisions they are making and continue with them. I think it matters how you got there.
And, if you make up for it once you get to the top because you realize your mistakes, then that’s awesome. But, I think we can hope to expect people to not claw their way to the top just so they can do good once they are there.
I guess the question is, how does it a bad decision if it ends up making you successful?
Great post.
All popularity is certainly not created equally. That’s how I see it, and I’m glad to see I’m not alone!
I know for me personally, integrity comes above all else.
Kiersten in the comment above does make an interesting point though… is compromising your integrity a little ok as long as you use your popularity in a good way? Interesting.
is compromising your integrity a little ok as long as you use your popularity in a good way?
I don’t think so! Why should you have to compromise your integrity to get to the top? That’s what is inherently wrong with the system. You shouldn’t have to be deceitful, dishonest, or hurtful to others in order to get the power to help.
That’s backwards.
It depends on how you view ‘integrity’. I think it’s really personal and dependent on your value system. It’s not always a one-size-fits all situation. Humans are naturally biased to do what’s best for them.
Sometimes you may have to do something that may be considered shady to one person, but necessary to you in that particular situation. You do it because you feel like the pay off is much greater.
I’m a “never compromise your integrity” sort of person because I know I couldn’t live with myself. In the really obvious aspect of my life this means that I’ve only worked for small, slow food, chef run bakeries even though I know I could make more money and have more job security and upwards mobility if I worked for a hotel, cruise ship or corporate bakery. I know I could then use that money to open the kind of bakery or cafe I would like to have, with apprenticeship programs, slow food education classes, sliding scale prices and all sorts of unrealistic craziness but I just can’t bring myself to go work somewhere that doesn’t share my values.
I know it’s not so cut and dry for everyone. That for some people the ends justify the means and every once in a while I actually admire people who can put aside personal morals for a short period of time so that in the end they can use their success for greater good. That path scares me too much, once you start compromising yourself in small ways, what’s to stop you from losing yourself completely?
Alana – I’m beginning to think that you and I are long lost twins.
That path scares me too much, once you start compromising yourself in small ways, what’s to stop you from losing yourself completely?
I live by this fear daily. I wonder, if I start now, when will I stop? Same goes with settling. If I start settling now, wont I always settle? You give yourself permission to be lenient with your integrity, then it only continues to slip, in my opinion.
PS – When you open up your bakery, let me know. I want to visit!
Great post Jamie (and I also loved the epic discussion we had on Twitter just now! haha). All popularity/fame is not equal but it depends on what you want in life. If you’re the gold digger type, just wanting the riches or the fame without caring about your own substance, obviously you’ll do anything to get to the top – and maybe that’ll satisfy you.
But if you want to truly be remarkable, I think you have to stop caring about just climbing the ladder or getting to the top. The people who are TRULY remarkable do what they are passionate about with, like you say, integrity and good values. They are genuinely in love with what they are doing and that is why they do it, and that’s why they succeed. Because they are not in it for just the money, or the fame. They are in it because they love it and are good at it. That’s the best way to get to the top.
As always Akhila, a thought-provoking comment. No idea how you comment on so many blogs with such insight – I continually admire that about you!
They are genuinely in love with what they are doing and that is why they do it, and that’s why they succeed. Because they are not in it for just the money, or the fame. They are in it because they love it and are good at it.
Yes! That’s exactly how I feel, too. I’m glad we share that sentiment.
Awesome topic for a post! I think that is obviously a matter of opinion. I think that being a good person, following the rules, thinking about someone other than yourself, reaching out to people in need, caring about the impact that you have on society and the planet are all great qualities and qualities that everyone should have. However, if that were true, then we wouldn’t have the Madoff scandal or CEO’s who drove this country into a horrible recession with bad loans/mortgages/toxic assets and then walk with a golden handshake and go live on a beach somewhere with their offshore accounts. I’m sorry, did I slip my personal feelings into my comment. My bad. But seriously, we each have out own feelings on what is being successful. If people didn’t think that getting to the top by whatever means possible equals success they wouldn’t do it. In my opinion it is not right and I wouldn’t do it, but obviously it is done.
Thanks for sharing – I loved your rant! I feel the same way.
And, of course there are people who use questionable means to get to the top, but is their success less than? What do you think?
my opinion yes, it is less than my or your success because we put our blood, sweat, and tear into it. And we can rightfully claim it as our success. It is not truly their success to claim because they didn’t do anything to actually earn it. Sleeping with someone to get them to build a website for you and getting tons of clients from that website is not the same as learning the code to build the website yourself and then getting tons of clients from it. Which reminds me, I need a website built….any takers?
j/k!
fame is fleeting, but the actions you take to get that fame may not be.
Jamie, this is an awesome post. We talk about “achieving success,” which to me means that someone has to earn it. If you work hard, pay your dues, and do so in a respectable manner, maintaining your integrity, then you are truly a success. I feel the same way you do that I would compromise my values to get ahead. Great points!
Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post.
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