I’ve been unemployed for two weeks and now the crazy in me is coming out. The crazy, irrational, ridiculously self-doubting part of myself has popped in for a visit. I now feel like some sort of hobo, because I don’t wake up ’till 10am and don’t even shower ’till, what, 9:30pm yesterday? Sure, yeah, the unemploymentality (fantastic blog, by the way), may SEEM like some walk in the park because I don’t have to wake up early or take BART at an ungodly hour, but for the love of heaven, I’m starting to go a bit nutso.
First off, I feel addicted to my computer. I hear my little dings and beeps (new mail! new Twitter! new gchat!) in my sleep now. It’s like when you have a phantom vibrate in your pocket, even though your phone is sitting on the counter, but you fish in your pocket for your cell because you think it’s ringing. I get that. In my sleep.
Second off, I’m a complete basket-case over my footprint on the internet. Am I being too transparent? I sound like a floozy over here to some people. An arrogant little brat here. Borderline insensitive here. And, basically, full-blown insensitive over in this area. The internet people are either a really great way to keep me in check or a really great way to make me paranoid. All those posts that I’ve received criticism about truly were not meant to ignite controversy; I was simply just stating my own opinion, not realizing that opinion was so… disagreeable.
So, now, I’m all… OH MY GOD, someone is going to Google me and see these posts and get the wrong impression and I’ll never get a job. After two weeks of being cooped up in this house, I’ve become schizophrenic. I just need my meds, one sec…
Third off, I’m so scared of thinking negatively because of self-fulfilling prophecies and the law of attraction (not to be confused with the media whore that is The Secret). I start to get all doomsday-ish and then my heart starts to race because I sit there and think, “Well, I’m going to create this reality of NOT having a job because I’m being negative about finding a job.” See what I mean here: the crazies.
Last off, I read way too much. Have you ever read a bunch of career blogs all in succession? It feels like eighty different viewpoints are trying to squeeze into a tiny space in my brain and sooner or later, my head will explode. One place tells me a resume can be two pages. The other says never, ever go over one page. Then, I hear that the cover letter isn’t that important. But, then, lo and behold, it’s the golden document of all things job searching over here. For real, people, REALLY? Can all career advice givers please just go to a convention and figure out the correct advice so my head doesn’t begin to turn 360 degrees and then suddenly spin off? Thanks.
I know people out there are going through interesting transitions or searches or growth. Some turn to traveling (nice!). Others are just beginning. Some just started new adventures (Yay Alice.com). Some are making it work (and writing awesome blog posts). Some are taking words right out of my mouth. And some are navigating the next step.
I guess, though, at the end of the day, my optimism wins out. Because, really, I’m just thankful I’m not getting featured on nothired.com/. Then, I’d REALLY have a problem and not some washed-up hypochondriac case of the crazies.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing after graduation last May. To make you feel better, and maybe a little worse, I didn’t get the amazing job I currently have until 7 months after I graduated. This despite the fact that I sent out approximately 80 resumes. Job searching is super stressful, and it ends up being a job in itself. It’s easy to get discouraged, but if I learned anything in my months of joblessness, it was to pursue every possible connection and take every opportunity, because you really never know what could happen. Good luck!
You know, I’m definitely willing to be patient… until I run out of money that is. Whichever runs out first – my money or my sanity. We shall see!
I think everyone shares the same frustration about job searching, especially if they aren’t willing to settle for less too quickly.
If anything, I’m actually happy to have this time to meet people and connect online. It’s something I’ve been neglecting to do, even though it makes me happy.
Thank you for commenting!
Well, you seem to have a lot going for you, actually. You’re funny and real and expressive, and your voice shines through your writing. You also seem willing to take risks and open yourself up to the unexpected. I can completely relate to the moments of severe self-doubt (I’ve also written about such moments, particularly as they relate to where I fit in the world of social media), but ultimately I think you’re right: Optimism wins. You’re going to be more than fine. (Thanks for the shout-out, too!)
Awww, Kristin – thank you for your kind words!
It is my hope that I can be authentic on the internet, even though I’m just a blog with a blurry photo.
Optimism seems to always win. And, I think we need moments of self-doubt and hopelessness to test how truly strong our self-will is. That’s just a little difficult to remember when you’re in the eye of the self-doubt storm.
I have totally been there! This post had me cracking up because you put into words everything I felt when I was looking for a job. Don’t worry you will find the right path. Who knows you could be destined for entrepreneurship ( that’s what I ended up doing and am so glad I did!). Your a smart girl and I know you will find a job in no time! Great post!
LaTosha – THANK YOU! You’re so sweet.
I have been having long talks with myself about entrepreneurship. Veryyyy long talks. We’ll see.
I’d love it if you had some words of wisdom for me about the work you are doing. Email me if you’d like!
Ah the art of unemployment. It truly is a weird, wonderful, depressing, lonely, retrospective place isn’t it? As Kristin so aptly pointed out, it does appear that you have a lot going for you and you have a knack for writing – you create excitement and suspense and have the ability to tell an engrossing story about something as mundane as not having a job.
I want to focus on one point here, the comment you made about reading too much. Sam Davidson (founder of coolpeoplecare.org and a friend of mine) had an outstanding blog post a couple weeks ago about the whole work-life balance issue which I followed up on at my blog. He talked about scheduling specific times of the day for certain tasks, and it’s something I have been trying to commit to myself.
Yes, I have my twitter on @ work, I check my Gmail, take a peek @ my blog here and there during the day, but I try to reserve my blog-writing time to the hours of 5:30-7:00 am and 5:00-6:30pm (obviously this is not a strict regiment) but I think it helps to have some form of ‘personal structure’. If you set aside that time of the day (especially once you ARE at a full time job) it puts your mind in a place that is completely focused on reading blogs, responding, or writing your own blogs.
Also, another blog-writing tip, maybe something you already do – but when you have a thought, write some stuff down, save a draft of your blog in Wordpress – and if you have some time one evening or on the weekend, write some evergreen posts you can put up whenever – general topics that you can get up when you may not have time to write on a particular day.
Lastly….whew, this is long, set some goals for yourself. For example, I tell myself I am going to write 3-4 blog posts a week (1 Awesome Friday + 2/3 others). I meet this goal and I feel accomplished. I am a big fan of lists, and laying out little plans and goals for myself. Personal accomplishment can go a long way. A little dorky, perhaps, but when I lay down to go to sleep at night, I can look back and objectively see everything I got done that day.
I think you’ve inspired me to write a time-management blog – see what you do, you INSPIRE! Always a good read here, keep it up!
Thanks! I’ve been inspired by my readers’ blogs as of late, actually.
You know, once I do nab a full time gig, I definitely want to set out certain times of the day to focus in on blogs and related things. That’s a great idea.
I have recently started making drafts of my posts actually! It really helps.
I try not to make a goal about how much I’ll post because, for me, I’d rather it be more organic. I have pushed myself to post before and, looking back, I’m not impressed with what I’ve put out there. I mean, I have an overarching goal to post AT LEAST once a week, but I always go over that. But, other than a certain post a day and what not, I just can’t get into that. But if it works for you, awesome!
Um, yes, write a time-management blog. Straight away!
Thanks for that comment. You rock.
You’re actually better off than you know. Dig this, a “job” (or work, if you like), tends to eat away at basic need to be creative. Unless, of course, if your former job dictated that you needed to be creative. If so, stop reading now…
However, most gigs are de facto “creativity killers,” that hand you a daily schedule to follow. Soon, this daily schedule morphs into a kind of meaning, which in turn subconsciously acts like a reason to live… I know, very, very scary stuff: work as the reason to live?
So what happens when you’re out of work? Well, sticking with the aforementioned knowledge, does this mean that you’re out of a reason to live? NO, not at all. On the contrary, being out of work demolishes the brainwash of having a job, which helps you recognize, (once again), that it is up to you to determine your reason to live. This recognition, if applied appropriately, always serves as a catalyst for something new; more importantly, something ‘you.’
-Amir Said
Amir – you make a great point! The only problem is that with this freedom of creativity comes a completely empty bank account.
That said, I am definitely taking the time I have right now to do things that I have been wanting to do for some time – network online and build the readership on my blog. It’s actually going pretty well, so maybe this little hiatus was meant to be.
The last paragraph of your comment is amazing.
This recognition, if applied appropriately, always serves as a catalyst for something new; more importantly, something ‘you.’
You’re right. This is giving me an opportunity to truly figure out where I should be headed, instead of feeling stifled or trapped in a job. I’m lucky I have less responsibility at the moment, so I can afford to take this time to grow and figure “me” out.
Thanks for your comment Amir. I appreciate it.
Be careful, I think after a month your head might explode.
Don’t read so much into the proper ways of doing things. A company will like your resume because of its content not whether or not you used the proper font on your cover sheet.
Judging by your blog and optimism if you make it to the interview process you will totally win the company over. Remember that an impressive resume only gets you in the door. Your personality and attitude is what gets you the job. At least, that’s what I like to think.
Don’t feel like your time spent on the internet is a waste. You changed the design of your blog and have been promoting it nicely. Well, it may not be a paying job like any work you do it is helpful and something you can learn from.
Also, don’t forget to apply for that dream job in Australia. You’d be perfect. Ends tomorrow… http://www.islandreefjob.com/
My creativity is entirely stifled with the work I do right now. I am in the advertising/marketing field, but right now it’s just work – so I can relate to what Amir is saying.
@ Jamie – I understand completely what you mean by remaining organic, i try to do that as well – but at times it is difficult to stop everything and let it pour from the soul when you are sitting at your 9 to 5
– I try to mix in both organic spur-of-the moment thoughts and more planned-out blogs. That being said, even when I have a topic planned out, I always sit and write without a break, get all of my thoughts out, then work backwards to support my thoughts and statements with other sources. This way I remain ‘myself’ but also add a bit of credibility.
Great discussion here!
…I always sit and write without a break, get all of my thoughts out, then work backwards to support my thoughts and statements with other sources. This way I remain ‘myself’ but also add a bit of credibility.
You know, it’s funny you wrote this, because it has been something I’ve struggled with. Do I find my sources first or do I write what I think and then find sources to back it up?
I like the former. It works better. My only problem is keeping all the links and posts and what not I read daily organized. It’s starting to get out of control, so I need to work on that next, so I always have an organized place to find the posts I want to use in my blog.
What works for you? Do you have a system set up?
haha…great post! i tend to get irrational like this as well…and i’m currently employed. LOL. conflicting advice drives me bonkers. i do my best to take what’s relevant to my situation and apply elements of ‘contradicting’ advice to it.
good luck!!
Good advice! More advice, AHHH! Haha, just kidding.
Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you stopped by, Libby!
Unemployment is a grand opportunity to have your shit together for a big life change. Not to mention, a great chance to literally and figuratively clean the slate. Like stuff and things, for example. We don’t need our stuff as much as we think we will when we buy it. My stuff was beginning to own me. When I became unemployed, I had plenty of time to sift through and meticulously plan a wicked yard sale. I also made a nice chunk of money during the process of reclaiming my space. It resulted in more room to think, which turned into a remodel, which has added to my overall quality of home life, and value of my house. I was able to do these things because paint doesn’t cost very much money, and ripping up tile takes more time and energy than money. All of which I now unemployed had enough of… My point is: what do you really want for yourself that doesn’t cost money, but requires time? AND….what are you hanging on to that might be worth a lot to someone else, but you have outgrown? (Stuff/ideas/job description)….What do you want? What is the first step to having what you want? Sounds remedial, but when I wanted to tour with my band, I said, “What do you need to do first, for this to be a reality?”…….That little question led to three successful tours, that were the best time of my life. Our skills got us to the next town and fed every night
. Look at your inner resources that no one can take away, and exploit them for your own benefit 
.
Good thoughts above, Ashtacular.
In response to you, Jamie, regarding my writing technique. I think we are somewhat on the same page here – obviously when I get an idea in my head I gather my sources, bookmark some links and copy some excerpts that I want to focus on into a Word doc.
But when I physically start getting my thoughts down on paper, I try to just, write. I think if you write and stop, look at a source, get away from it for a while, come back to it – this CAN present you with a renewed perspective but I am more successful when I’m not stifled by my own wandering mind. Get the thoughts and feelings down, then work backwards, re-tool what I’ve written, add some other sources and cred, and go from there. I just like that initial block of writing time to be a little more raw and emotional. I think it pulls out the witty and personal side of my voice in writing.
Jamie… I loved reading this and of course all the feedback you’re getting… growth is happening with you, I can definitely see it!
Being unemployed can be a very difficult time for people. Now that it’s so common in this economy, the media is constantly doing stories on how damaging being unemployed can be to a person’s mental health.
It’s great that you’re still optimistic. You appear to have a good sense of self and a way with words, so I think you’re better off than most.
This is a great post! You are too funny. I can relate so well to this. I am also currently looking for a job, and while my cushion may be a little deeper than yours considering that I still have 3 more months of graduate school, I am freaking out like you.
My situation is tricky because I have to find an internship for the summer to fulfill a requirement with my school, however, as someone with two years of full time experience it seems like a step in the wrong direction. Not to mention that most internship programs are being slashed due to the economy and I am looking for jobs in a city that I do not currently live in, yadda yadda.
I like to look at worst case scenario in times like these. So lets say that worse come to worse and you have to get a serving job while you continuously look for something more permanent…it’s not ideal but also not the end of the world and as our parents, from a less selfish generation, would say, “sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get by.”
Stay positive!
Ha! I can relate to the craziness that happens when you don’t have anything to work on or can’t get a job. I’m training as a performer (circus and burlesque) and have casual + volunteer projects, but no regular source of income yet despite tons of job applications and networking. Apparently here in Australia every job ad is attracting hundreds of apps, even entry-level ones! My friend Nikki’s facing the same dilemma too – she’s got volunteer gigs for her events experience but nothing that actually pays her.
Sometimes I do have the “OMG THEY’LL GOOGLE ME AND HATE ME” worry, but then I figure that any company that will have massive issues with my personality or thoughts won’t be any that I’d want to work at anyway! It’s not to say that I only work with syncophants; I’ve had heated arguments with mentors and peers! But at least we can agree to respect each other despite our differences.
What’s your Twitter username? I think we’ve got a similar mindset and I’d like to keep in touch