Picture by *sean
Somehow in between being irrationally impatient and borderline anxious, I have found a calming place. I used to bounce from one idea to the other. Oo! I like scrapbooking, I can be a scrapbooker, woo hoo! I made six pages in a scrapbook and was done.
Then I wanted to sell my own greeting cards. And then letterpress prints on Etsy. And then travel the world and write a book. And then work out of a coffee shop in New York City. And maybe move to Portland. And work for a publishing company (I applied to about twenty a year ago). And then I wanted to work at a tech startup. And, OMG, Jamie, you have ADHD or that adult ADD that they advertise about during The Price is Right. (In between the Depends commercials, you know.)
Then, once I started Shatterboxx Media, I became the most patient person when it comes to career. It was so freeing and whenever I get some whim to start another one of my “hobbies” up, I just push it out of my head. I figured out why, too.
FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. No, don’t focus on what I’m saying. The secret is: FOCUS! I finally found something to focus on and I found that whenever something comes into my brain and it doesn’t fit into the grand scheme of Shatter-frickin’-boxx Media, then it is out. Because building that business is more important than ping-ponging around like a child on Ritalin. (Or, off Ritalin, really.)
Then, the real kicker in my whole theory of staying focused as the key to freedom from impatience (deep breaths, I know, that was very motivational speaker-ish) was when I started getting that super impatient, anxious feeling about my love life.
And, last night it hit me like a whole big ton of bricks. I’m irrationally impatient about my love life because I have not even one effing clue about what I want. Not one. And, the second I think I figure it out, I get all tempted by something else. I’ll say to myself, “Jamie, you only want something special or real this time – stop doing that thing you do where you are one foot out the door always.”
And then I’ll do that thing I do where I’m one foot out the door always, because a situation arose where I could do that. Perfect. Really making progress here. So, I’ll get impatient about my love life not going in the direction I want it to when, in actuality, it’s not going in the right direction because THERE IS NO DIRECTION.
It’s this insane zigzag line that somehow brings itself full circle all the while feeding into my impatience. Oh. My. God. I have to deal with this every day. It’s not pretty.
Basically what I’m trying to say (and probably failing miserably) is that I feel like, for me, freeing myself from the heart-beating, terrible feeling of impatience has to do with knowing what I want and focusing in on that. Teeter-tottering between what I want and then going for the shiniest thing is the worst thing I could do to myself.
So, now, please, for the love of god, tell me some of you understand where I’m coming from.
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You’re describing my life exactly! My business is the only thing that I can stay focused on and even then it takes work. I’ve had many a friend (even considered it myself) tell me that I seem ADHD. The plus to this is that they say that most people with ADHD make great entrepreneurs. Frequently, repeating to ourselves to “Focus, focus, focus!” But doing what we love makes focusing so much easier.
I’m sure that I’m not the only person that can relate to your story. You are by no means alone.
Additionally, I looked at your site and it’s wonderful work. You’ve chosen a great career.
There is no direction. Amen.
I always remember what Steve Jobs said about trusting your instinct. It already knows where to go. The hard part is listening to it.
And once your passion arises, no time is enough, no distraction is possible. Keep walking your best path possible. It’ll take you where you want.
Like always, I love your writing Jamie.
I know exactly what you mean with getting career or interest distractions. My mind has been racing for the last five months and I am getting worn out. I want to do personal finance, I want to improve health care, I want to be a writer, I want to be a private wealth manager. Another week, another direction in life. The way I see it now – I am just taking some time to explore a bunch of ideas and then pick one. Maybe in a few months.
It is nice to know that someone else feels this way and that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.
Great post! You are a very talented and engaging writer.
Ok, now, was my previous comment an example of a good comment or a bad one? It was all about me? Are good comments all about the commenter or about the author of post? Argh, self-referentiality!!!
Great post! It seems like what you have done is figure out all the self-help junk for yourself. Every book I have heard about, whether its about finding love or a career, or “the Secret” seem to sum it all up into “Make some magic list of everything you want – then every decision you make, compare it to the list and the goals. Does it help you get there?”
Makes total sense and I hope it works for you! Go Shatterboxx!
I can totally relate, but in an opposite way. I was recently laid off and I have no clue what I want to do with my life. Just yesterday, as I was browsing through Craigslist, my boyfriend asked me what jobs I was going to apply for. I shrugged. I’m so lost and without direction, I can’t even make a decision about what jobs to apply for.
I think a part of this stems from my last work experience. I jumped at a chance to work at my last job because I felt so impatient about being unemployed. I learned a lot in the beginning, but by the end I was miserable. I would like to avoid a similar experience the next time around, although I know this economy doesn’t leave much room for picky-ness. Either way, I am completely and utterly directionless.
Contrast that with my love life, which is actually going pretty well. As time progresses, our lives have become more intertwined and we are on the same page about our future. We have focus! And a plan! The plan is always subject to change, of course, but at least I know he’s someone I can work with as life does change.
So I guess the code has been cracked (direction!), but now my question is: how do you find direction and gain focus? The answer to this question would help me out bunches.
I still am trying to figure out where I am going. All I know is that I freakin’ love marketing and PR. Other then that? No clue.
But I think I’m ahead of the game because I have found something that I am passionate about and focus 99% of my energy (1%=I run 45 minutes a day) into my blog and developing complex ideas and thoughts into it. I just get giddy about case studies and examples of awesome advertising…does this make me weird? Absolutely…but I don’t know how to be anything else.
Talented people have lots of options (or at least we think we do.) I can’t tell you how many times I couldn’t go to sleep because I was thinking of my next ‘business idea.’
Like you, I’m extremely ADD and I think focusing is definitely a key antidote towards having patience in a career. Of course, then I can’t decide if I really want to focus on one thing or if I’d rather spread myself more thin, have more fun, and be less successful in the scheme of things. I dunno.
As for the relationship issues. Just envision a guy as handsome and cool as me, but located near where you are and you’ll stop having one foot out the door. While these guys don’t really exists, I assure you it’s a mental thing, and will help you get over the hump.
Jamie,
I know what you are talking about because until recently, I was trying to do too many things that I was capable of, but they all went in slightly different directions.
Recently, all my experience seemed to fall together into one category – I wasn’t trying to focus, but when it happened, my direction became clear. Over the past 15 years, I have painted for galleries, taught workshops, written for art publications, acted as a career coach, etc. The list goes on, but it would be boring, if not unbelievable to read.
All my abilities have come together this year for the greater good. Clint Watson noticed my blog and asked me to begin writing for pay. That led to writing about the trials of the artist’s life and art marketing. I am so thrilled with being able to help others with what my mentors and life experience has taught me that I don’t even want to pursue other hobbies anymore.
Just wish this strong pull in one direction had happened earlier, but then again, if it had — I wouldn’t have as many experiences from which to share. It all turns out for the good when we discover what we really love to do more than all the other stuff.
Thanks for writing this post – it took guts, but it’s honest and oh so true.
Um, not to sound like a stalker, but Jamie, you and I were meant to be friends! (OK, sounds scary and 6th grade-ish, but no, I’m not a scary person, nor am I 12.). I’m sitting here reading your second paragraph and honest to god thought I was inside my own brain, circa 2005! All the same aspirations (i.e. make your own greeting cards – except, my plan was to write them, not design; travel the world and write a book about it; live in Portland; and no joke, work out of a coffee shop…okay, not in NYC, though). Same hobby-jumping, same relentless searching-my-soul, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants pipe dreams (if you want to call them that.) It’s almost like by realizing just how attainable each aspiration and dream is, no matter how far-fetched or commonplace it may seem (becoming a Starbucks barista in Manhattan), the sheer possibility of it all is actually a bit daunting, and a bit intimidating, so it almost becomes easier to window shop your curious urges and brainstorms and what ifs. I think that the backbone of a dreamer mentality is the opposite; really it’s not all puffy clouds and candy coated wishes and unicorns…it’s all actually quite attainable if you just have the ability to focus on getting there and knocking out each dream, one by one.
Yes, it’s fun to window shop and oogle and ah at the snakeskin shoes and the saucy red stilettos, and to try them on, but is it that much more appealing than picking one smart, sensible shoe (i.e. loafer, Nike sneaker), trying it on, realizing it fits and wearing it around for a while? Answer is yes, shoe shopping and window shopping will always be more fun than loafer-wearing predictability because it’s never as much fun to committ to only one safe thing in life. Focus is not fun. Loafers are not fun. Wearing red stilettos with your Starbucks barista apron, and gossiping with your regulars about your upcoming move to Portland? That’s fun!
Jamie,
I am suffering from the same Adult ADHD! Too much ping-ponging, but I haven’t found my shatterboxx, but I will come across it soon. It’s great to see that it is possible to break out of it.
Love your work, keep it up
I loved reading this, and I can completely understand where you’re coming from, on many levels. I have enough book ideas to keep me busy for the next 40 years!
Also, you have to read this New Yorker article, on the “secret of self control.” It’s super interesting.
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer
Jamie,
You’re awesome and you were perfectly able to communicate what’s up for you!
OMG like DUH isn’t it so yummy when we reach a point of awareness that gets us to a new level in life?
Jamie, most people in our society never ever reach the point of understanding that you have about how life works. We’re bombarded from the time we’re in the womb with messages from parents, teachers, peers, marketing professionals, government – and every one of them has a different message wanting to lure us in the direction they want us to travel.
Except none of them are in our unique shoes in life. So they really have no clue about what will truly bring us deeply internal happiness or sense of completion or fulfillment.
Yet because we’re so bombarded every day of our lives, many of those voices leak into our inner filing cabinets. Then, when we know intuitively that we need change in any given area, we naturally go to that filing cabinet for ideas and direction.
OMG how are we supposed to hear what we’re meant to do spiritually with all that noise pouring out of the cabinet drawer?
What I’ve heard and find works for me is the more still I become in the moment that I am conscious of the need to change something, the more effortlessly my true path will be revealed to me. Except most of the time it also means I need to go about my existing life path, and temporarily let go of trying to figure out what the answer is. So I go about my life – and if I focus on the present moment’s reality, that answer will work its way up and through the noise, all on its own. I don’t have to figure it out at all!
Then, one day, without expecting it, that answer will be right in front of me, clear and bright as the sun on a warm summer’s day at the beach…
I don’t think I could understand where you’re coming from any more than I do. Like I totally get it. I’ve done it before. I actually had the idea to make cards a long time ago as well. And it was a good idea, but I never did anything with it. I think it all comes back to what has always made you happy. Or at least somewhat content.
This makes a lot of sense. Of course the seemingly never-ending search for that one idea that you can fall in love with to the point of being able to focus in such a way is the hard part. Once you’ve found that, everything else seems so easy.
I’m happy to hear that you’ve found that for at least one part of your life
I really enjoyed reading this (as well as the comments) and I can totally relate as well. I bounce around so many ideas in my head about what career path to take, business to start, etc. and in the meantime continue in a career I do not find fulfilling or want to be in the long run. Let’s not even get started about the love life… If I could only decide on one thing and figure out what is right for me. As Ben Stein said, “The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.” And, as someone else noted, society and the different message you receive, of course, contribute to the indecisiveness and ADHD. I hope I stumble upon my passion soon and find something to focus on so that I can be done with the random ideas and searching. Congrats on finding yours and good luck with the love life!
I have those same jitters every now and again. I find surrounding myself with people who are as motivated as I would like to be is a good way to stay focused on my workload for the day. Sometimes you end up feeding off of your own energy too much and drain your own battery. Focus is definitely the key, but you can’t stay focused without the energy and motivation to do so. Shatterboxx Media is your energy and motivation for focus, my peers and colleagues do the same for me.
Great post, Jamie! I’m a first time reader and I’m now subscribing to you
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this post, even with all the twists and turns. Those as complicated as us will understand with no problems.
Great post, Jamie. I go to writer’s workshops and one of the main mantras is “Use the F-word – FOCUS.” It’s applicable here, too.
I totally get where you’re coming from. Although, I read Akirah’s response and said, “Oh me! That’s where I am, too.” I feel like I have a puppeteer controlling different sides of my brain and I’m a little lost having so many options. I need someone to say, “Ok, pick one – chocolate or vanilla,” and it’s somehow easier.
Wow, I totally know how you feel. It’s difficult to focus on just ONE thing because you feel like there is SO much else out there to do. I feel exactly the same way – I have so many interests: social media, social entrepreneurship, writing and journalism, blogging, and then there’s law and political science – it’s like how can I even choose one interest? And each day I feel like pursuing a different thing.
But then I just sat down and thought critically about my career. And I chose: I chose the thing I was best at and passionate about, and I chose the skills I wanted to have. And since then I’ve essentially committed myself to a career and have focused on that one field, and have accomplished *so* much more in that field than I had in all the previous years of bouncing around like crazy.
It reminds me of a quote I read somewhere – commitment is liberating. And focus is, too.
Awesome job again Jamie. You always write honestly and from the heart and that’s why you have such great, relatable posts. Everyone can relate to your honesty.
Thanks, Jamie. You put into words exactly how I feel. I love reading your posts. I am envious though, that you are so aware of the distractions of all of the information bombarding us from all sides. I am learning so much from you and I just love the humorous way you explain everything. I am struggling with the F word and also the P word (Prioritize) too. Love all of you who commented (many of whom I follow on Twitter). I have so much to learn from all of you – keep the great posts coming:)
I understand all too well–though I think for me the problem tends to be more knowing what I want but not having the confidence to believe I can really achieve it…so coming up with something else I want, but lacking confidence there, too….it’s a problem….
two words: ummm… YES!!
still feel that way even though my life is starting to take some semblance of direction.
dropped by via perfectlycursedlife’s bloggy award list. yay!
Every once in a while you read something, and find yourself thinking “oh my gosh, this is exactly how I feel only I haven’t been able to put it into coherent words.”
That’s how I felt reading this post. Great job.
AMEN.
You’re right about our desire to chase that shiny thing (often money, for me) – it’s tough to ignore at times, but can easily compromise the meaning of your work. I find it’s in those moments that you’re truly in sync with your passion — it’s just awesome, you’re in the zone, and it’s like screw the shiny thing – that will come, I’ve tapped into what matters. So here’s to staying in touch with our passions and instincts! Keep em coming Jamie!