Are you who you want to be? When I answer this question, I go, “Yes, but…” or “Yes, if only…” or “Yes, except for…” Do you, too? Because, those but’s, if only’s, and except for’s are where we need to be leaping. And, by leaping, I mean SPRINTING TOWARDS. This is where we need to be worrying, where we need to be putting our effort, except we don’t. We ignore. We pretend we’re fine. We focus on what we’re good at to ignore where we’re not improving.
I only have a few of these but’s and except for’s. I used to have a ton, don’t get me wrong. I used to lay awake at night thinking about all the things I wasn’t doing only to wake up and perpetuate the pattern. Because, that was easy. It continues to be easy.
I used to say, “God, I wish I knew web design.” “Man, I would really love to be a full-time designer.” “It would be really great if I didn’t have a boss.” “I wish I could get people to comment on my blog.” “I wish I didn’t have to overly stress out over money.” For now, those are conquered. And, it leaves just a bit of room for the tough stuff, the things I ignore more so than everything else.
And, this keeps coming up, because there are very few things left to conquer right now. Fittingly, one of the things I have to conquer is staring me straight in the face, because we all are given tools to get over these fears, just some of us want to ignore them. And, by some of us, I’m thinking most of us.
I’m prone to fantasy and daydream. Always have been. I’m a writer and an overthinker and some things are just way safer played out in my head, because there the outcome is my way. No uncertainty to deal with! I always win! I’m always right! It’s perfect! Except, it’s not. It sucks. It becomes a testament to how I truly view life and when I’m stuck in my head, I’m exactly that: stuck.
In the daydreams, I’m the person I want to be and if I’m still in my head, then I’m not that person. Why would I have to daydream if I was just out doing it? It’s ridiculous and I need to leap. Do you need to leap? I’m sure you do, because somewhere in that fantastic brain of yours, there is something itching to be conquered. And, like me, you’ve ignored the ways to completely get over it.
Sometimes I think I keep some of these necessary improvements just so I won’t get bored with life, as if something else won’t come along and take its place. As if it’s actually possible to just skate through life without ways to improve. Once one thing is tackled, isn’t there just another one right around the corner? Ha! I’ll run out of things to overthink? Puh-lease. Not possible.
So, why not take the moment and seize it? Because, personally, I’m sick of storing my old hang ups and not being who I want to be.
Here’s to leaping.
Now? Your turn.
(Credit: lyric in picture by Switchfoot’s, “This is Your Life”)
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Great post. Kind of a 20-something’s anthem, is it not?
Love the Switchfoot nod, there. Good call.
What a great post. My husband and I are currently in the middle of one of our very big “if only’s” – “if only we lived closer to family”. He has moved up to his new job there, and we (me and the kids) are twiddling our thumbs in our old town, waiting for our house to sell. I’m running out of things to do while everything is up in the air at the moment! It’s a huge step in the right direction that’s for sure, it’s just taking it’s time.
Eep, sorry bout that… mini life-splurge right there. So, as I was saying… great post, really made me think.
In January, I quit my full-time job of 4 years to finish off my last semester of my undergraduate “properly”. It was a really good decision, and I would have left my job at the end of the semester anyhow.. so it was good. In any event, many times since then I have realized that I’m not where I want to be, and right now even if I could just grab things by the balls and just do them, I can’t.
To get into my chosen graduate program, I need better grades (not by much, but a year of upgrading). Going back to school is not something I’m willing to do just yet when it means that I have to go back to something I just completed (in theory).
Right now the subsequent job search is just as disappointing because I don’t have previous experience for the places “where I want to be”. I did have an interview this past Friday, and it did go very well (I think), and they said I would be called within the week..If I can secure this job, it will give me necessary experience to be where I want to be.. so here’s hoping that I did well!
Yes, this is a 20-something’s anthem.
Jamie,
This is so true. I am such an avid daydreamer and I hate myself for it. If I acted on 1% of things I dream about, I would be queen of the world by now (well, not really. But close…). I have been actively trying to overcome this problem and have come to a realization that I’ve been a coward. It’s much better now.
Thanks!
This is one of those things I’ve been working on, too…getting closer to what I want to be, what I want to be doing, and how I want to be doing it.
taking that leap is scary. We might get hurt, we might fail, might have problems. We, by nature, like security. It may not be the right way to do things and we might not be happy, but at least we are still in one piece.
I can definitely relate to this post- I’m an avid daydreamer & while I want to take that leap, there are all these reasons for not doing it. But I figure you’re only young once, and since I don’t have any “real” responsibilities and no one to answer to but myself, I’m just going to go for it. I realize that I may fall, but I’d rather know I’ve tried then wonder what could have been my whole life!
“I’m prone to fantasy and daydream. Always have been. I’m a writer and an overthinker and some things are just way safer played out in my head, because there the outcome is my way. No uncertainty to deal with! I always win! I’m always right! It’s perfect! Except, it’s not. It sucks. It becomes a testament to how I truly view life and when I’m stuck in my head, I’m exactly that: stuck. In the daydreams, I’m the person I want to be.”
I had to read this post twice, just to make sure you weren’t actually talking directly to me. Because that paragraph? Me – to a T. I’m a classic overthinker, the curse of being a Pisces, I guess.
I know I’ve definitely been in that place before: in need of a leap, but too afraid or too busy overthinking to actually leap. I know there have been times when I didn’t leap, when I didn’t take the chance to do something different, but I can’t bring myself to call them regrets because I did take other leaps. While I might not get those lost opportunities back, all of the choices I did (and didn’t) make, led me to where I am now, which is a good place.
So maybe we need to be smart about our leaping. I mean, surely we can’t take every leap every time. The time and energy required would probably be too much (I’m guessing). So we have to figure out which leaps are worth the risk of taking and which leaps are worth the risk of not taking. Which – if you want to beat the metaphor to death – is a leap itself.
Jamie, yet again, it’s like you took exactly what I’ve been thinking for the past 7 years and put it into words!
So, now I guess I can stop thinking about how how to find the right words to describe my ongoing quarter life crisis, and actually get moving on with all my dreams:
1. Writing that first chapter? Check. [5 years later: Novelist? Check!]
2. Getting the local hot dog vendor guy on the corner of my street to buy into selling my brand of to-die-for homemade brownies (because who doesn’t want to chase down a hot dog with a brownie?) Check. [5 years later: Owner of a small local bakery cafe? Check!]
We have to start small (begins with the day dreams), and, like you said, actually take the next step and leap from there (assimilating your day dreams into real life.) But, sometimes it’s so much easier to dream big and live small, akin to living vicariously through a character in a really good book). But, no pain, no gain in the end, right? Despite the obvious, and despite the simple “just do it already!” attitude it takes, I tii wonder why I laze through every single day and ignore the things I’m most passionate about. I mean, for what? Excuses abound…too tired, writer’s block, not the right time, migraine, maybe tomorrow, indigestion, not the right lighting, etc.
But, before you know it, inspiration can and does dry out. And what I always wonder is if I were actually given a year to live, what would I do with it? Would I actually take the leap and ignite my inspirations, lighting up my life in insane ways that I’d only ever dreamed of? Who knows. Thank God I’m only 28. However, with 30 right around the bend, and an impending tickle in my ticking womb, I’m afraid the back burner is going to be lit for a while longer.
OK, I wanted to add some “inspiration” for you all in my comment above, but forgot. This Jack Kerouac quote is by far one of my favorites. God, if only everyone could be the way he wrote this. (Leaps? What leaps?)
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”
~Jack Kerouac
That’s how I want to live. ‘Nuff said.
Great post. I’ve been dealing with similar issues myself lately. Taking the leap and believing in your abilities to succeed is definitely the toughest part of the equation. Once you make the jump, everything seems to fall into place.
Thanks, Jamie.
About a year ago, I finally realized that I was not even close to who I wanted to be. Really, I’ve known it for most of my life. So I decided that it was finally time to do something about it. Nobody could do it for me. Nobody even knew what I needed to do. So I had to make that leap.
It’s taking a long time, and I’m sure I haven’t yet hit any of the really hard parts of the journey, other than the traps I’ve set for myself in my own mind, but it’s happening. Day by day, I make a little progress. Some physical, some mental, some emotional. It’s all a process. If I were to be done tomorrow, it would be nice, but I would miss some steps in the middle, and that would surely diminish the journey.
It’s not the destination, but the journey that is the important part.
Great post! I think we all constantly have things we want to improve about ourselves, and we know who we would like to be in that “ideal” world. But real life sometimes gets in the way, and then it’s hard to keep sight of your dreams. It is also difficult even when you see things you need to improve in, and then realize how difficult it is to actually go out there and DO it. I have struggled with this. For instance my weakness, possibly my biggest one, is being confident and talking to people I respect in real life. Yes, real life networking. I am too afraid to approach my professors, or to give a speech in public. I am self conscious, and my heart still starts pounding when I get up in front of a crowd/classroom. I want to be a leader – it’s my dream really, to be that type of confident person, a leader and a speaker who can inspire others with my words. But in reality, it scares the hell out of me.
I think I definitely day dream, but what I try is to make concrete steps towards it, and make sure I am doing the best I can. Sure we all fail sometimes, and life is short. So I try to look at myself each day before I go to bed and think: am I happy with who I am, and the life I’m living? I always consider what would happen if I died tomorrow. Surprising thing? I’m usually perfectly content. Because, in spite of all my imperfections, I try to be content with who I am and what I have now. That’s happiness – you can’t always be chasing something, but also learn to be content with what you have, now.
Sorry if this was a rambling comment…got a little sidetracked there!! But great post as always!! You’re such a great writer.
Reminds me of Nietzsche’s awesome passage in “The Gay Science” about the monster that comes to you in your sleep??
If you don’t know what I’m talking about…uh, I tried to find it. Just trust me. It’s good. I don’t know where my copy of The Gay Science is. I gave it away. Anyways.
This post is awesome. I love the honesty and also the push towards improving yourself every day.
Are you who you want to be…yet, you’re (we’re) only 23. Isn’t it always a work in progress? What about being satisfied for the moment, here and now where you are as long as you’re working toward improvements?
I’m not saying don’t leap. I’m saying keep leaping, making jumps and bounds but how can you really know what you “need” or “want” to be, while there is so much growth and change mulling around us. It is inevitably happening around us. Unless you sit on a couch everyday and stare at the wall and do NOTHING (literally), then change is inevitable.
Sometimes I laugh and say, “Shit, I don’t even know what I’m eating for dinner tonight.” The unknown is fantastic, but it also helps to keep following your dream. That is why I think the BIG question of “Are you who you want to be” unfolds and molds overtime and is something to keep in mind, but doesn’t have to be faced every single day.