This is the third draft of this post. And, I just want to write about this past week, because it has been one for the books. I want to refrain from writing about how exhausting and amazing and terrifying and stressful and incredible the week has been. I want to write about how I simultaneously love and hate the internet. I want to write about how many people have encouraged me and brought me to tears, yet how many people have left me feeling disheartened and frustrated.
I want people to know that I am human. That even if I put up a controversial post, the comments can hurt me. And even though I know that the internet commenters can be cruel, it still makes me sad when someone writes that I should be a prostitute on my twittershouldhireme.com campaign site. And, I want to think it’s funny that people are so ridiculous to comment such things and while I do laugh most of the time, I also cannot believe that some people are that threatened by success.
I try really hard to differentiate between disagreeing with someone because I’m jealous or because I actually have an opinion different from theirs. There’s this real quick reflex for me to tear town someone’s work because I’m jealous of how amazing they are. It makes me feel terrible that I even have a momentary desire to pick out people’s flaws, because I feel threatened by their strengths. I catch it, though, 99% of the time. And, I challenge myself to be inspired, even with that voice in my head that says, “They are better than you.”
With that said, I think a lot of people’s negativity towards me was fueled by jealousy. I mean, I don’t normally think that way, because that’s borderline arrogant to believe it’s jealousy, but, for the life of me, I can’t understand another reason.
I want to tell you all that I rose above the bad comments and criticism and they didn’t affect me even for a second. God, I really want to tell you all that. But, I would be lying and I’m so honest that it’s almost a flaw.
Yes, I did it to myself. I put myself out there. But, fact: I was naive about how people would react. And, as confident as I am, it got to me. It all got to me.
I’m optimistic. I’m strong-willed. But, even optimistic, strong-willed, and confident people falter and lying about it, pretending it doesn’t hurt, is doing me (and you) a disservice.
So, this isn’t crafted very well and it’s entirely too vulnerable and I know people tell me I need to not let things get to me, but sue me, I’m a human being.
I’ve written this now. Good, I can go on to other writing projects. =)
Update: I would just like to state, for the record, that I have no problem with people disagreeing with the content of an opinion I have. Yet, when there are insults directed at me that add nothing to the discussion, that’s when it gets frustrating. And, that’s what I’m talking about in this post.
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It is very hard to be vulnerable in a world that wants you to front and be confident at all times-its no way to exist not to express your own truth as you’re experiencing it. I believe that is the cause of many illnesses -repressed feelings and unexpressed truths. Being genuine is a sign of true strength and its embracing yourself instead fulfilling someone else
s perception of ideal behavior. I have no idea how we got to a point in this society where the concept of success is synonymous with being a non feeling android. Your haters are proof that you are on the right track. They say if you don’t have any haters you’re not working hard enough. Keep grindin and doin you.
Thanks for sharing Jamie. When you’re putting yourself out there, it’s tough sometimes not to let throwaway comments get to you. But that’s the thing – they’re just throwaway and you can’t let them get the better of you.
I had the same dilemma myself a few weeks ago and got some incredible advice and feedback from the community: http://lenisebrothers.wordpress.com/2009/02/17/noli-sinere-te-ab-improbis-opprimi/
So to you I say – you’re doing some great things and it’s important to learn to different between constructive criticism and insight and petty barbs. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
I am with you on both loving and hating the internet! But, the reality is – when you put something out there, you are accomplishing a goal. Whether its just updating your blog, creating a wonderful career or reaching out to people – there is some benefit for you at the end. When someone posts just to tear you down? Nothing. They aren’t getting anything out of it, except for some smug self-satisfaction. It may be jealousy, it may be a million things. And if there is nothing you can take out of it, move on. – you have bigger things ahead.
Trust me Jamie, I’m not jealous of you. I disagree with you, and I think the message you put on PT’s blog was dangerous to readers who might be as clueless as you. If you say that you purposefully wrote it to inflame readers and drive traffic to your website, then that would be one thing. But to believe your own hype is another.
“You’re just jealous” is the oldest and most ridiculous argument in the book. How about, “you have a conflicting opinion and I respect it and will acknowledge it, instead of shaking my head and pretending it isn’t there.”
@anna – I do think some of those comments came out of jealousy. Not all of them. But some.
Others (like you) disagreed on principle. And that’s great. I’m kind of with you on that. I’m not sure that I’d take Jamie’s advice on this matter…
But the thing is, what she did worked for her. If it worked for her, odds are, it will work for someone else. Maybe not the majority of people… but some people.
@Jamie – You’re making stuff happen. If people aren’t trying to bring you down, you’re probably not doing anything worthwhile.
What? You’re a real person who can be impacted by insults? That is horrible. Such a loser, being human and all!
Actually, I just found your blog yesterday and wanted to leave a comment telling you that I was enjoying it and would be back to read more.
Sometimes I just wish that there were a test for minimum maturity before people were allowed online…
@Jamie – I love vulnerability in writing because it does make you seem more human. I love when Penelope does it, Holly Hoffman does it, Rebecca Thorman (Modite), David Stehle, etc.
It really makes for a great read b/c most of us have felt the same things before and like to know that we’re not alone in our thoughts, feelings, insecurities. Keep rockin’ amiga!
Jamie, I’m so glad you wrote this. I don’t care if people think the “jealousy” argument is the oldest one in the book. It’s completely valid.
Maybe “jealous” is slightly the wrong word, though, or perhaps it’s just a bit too narrow. I think people react defensively when they feel threatened. They might feel threatened because your success and good ideas push theirs into the shadows (this is a lot like jealousy). Or they might feel threatened because they disagree with you, and maybe they’re not sure exactly what they think or believe, or why, so they feel the need to be less than civil in their opposition. There are hundreds of ways to feel threatened, but the response options tend to be the same: fight or flight.
Whatever the reason, we all know there are ways to express disagreement and to engage in debate without getting mean and nasty, and we all know when people have crossed that line. Some of the cold cruelty I read in the comments sections of blogs scares the crap out of me. I know one day it will happen to me, and it will make me feel just like you describe. I hope I can be just as real as you are here, in response.
Jamie, don’t ever apologize for being human. I admire your strength and drive, and the courage you showed by writing this post. People aren’t always going to agree with you, and it’s hard not to be affected by unkind words, but make sure you always believe in yourself. Smile!
We all have our moments of vulnerability. Even the strongest people you know have their weak spots (generally moreso than those that appear less confident!). How do I know this? I am one of those people…
As for prostitution–its the oldest profession in the world and it’s not going anywhere. But I digress…
The Brand New blog just attacked “comment crime”…thought of that when I was reading this. The point is, it’s one thing for people to present an argument in opposition to a post, it’s another thing to flame someone.
And as for prostitution, I’ll tell you what my illustration teacher told me on my first day of his class: “Well, you know, if you want to get anywhere, you’ve got to sell yourself…you’ve got to prostitute your art.” (only he did it in his Russian accent while batting his eyes and wearing overalls: highly comical.)
Honesty is always the key and saying what others are too afraid to say Jamie, will get you further than other people who crawl into their shell and hide. Hurtful comments as the ones you mentioned are interesting but I think the saying that fear comes from duality is really true. There’s always something else there, some reason someone else lashes out…
I for one am super excited for you and the little bumps along the way make it that much more worthwhile in the end. Wow, enough of this corny shit (as much as I agree with it).
You rock. I appreciate your honesty. Cheers, missy!
Anna: Ha, pretty sure your comment was a little bit ridiculous in the context of this post. First off, I didn’t say that everyone was jealous, I said some. And, here I am talking about the ridiculous insults and you put one on my blog: “clueless as you”.
I never said I didn’t respect people’s opinions. If you had read the post carefully before forming your very quick opinion, then you could see I was talking about the people who insulted me, instead of disagreed with my content.
JWonder, Le’Nise, Erica, Andy, Rae, Ryan, Kristin, Sam, Annie Miss, Lorraine, Grace: Thanks for reading and for being supportive. It was really nice to read these comments, since I was definitely hesitant to put this post out there. You all rock!
Keep being honest and out there. It’s difficult and disenhearting, sure. But it’s worth it! Someone has to go forth and be first! GO YOU!
Jamie, I’m so impressed with everything you’ve made happen in, what a month? It’s insane.
And I think you’re right, to a degree, about the jealousy. I know when I saw twittershouldhireme.com a little piece of me said, “Damn. Why didn’t I think of something like that?” And another little piece of me was almost convinced that your success could somehow steal from my success. Which is so not true. And when all the pieces of me got done with our conversation we decided we were super happy for you
You are amazing and beautiful, and know that there are tons more for you than against you
Take a deep breath. Smile. Keep going. Show your light to the world just the same as you always have
If it makes you feel better, your site is thought provoking. Which is the point, you want to stir the thoughts in people’s heads. Whether one agrees or not, you at least did that.
girl, i completely know how you feel and you are so right. the only reason anyone would be compelled to write something so asinine and irrelevant is because they are jealous of you and lack sufficient self-worth. don’t let it get to you. i’ve had my fair share of “die-you-dumb-slut-bitch” comments but you gotta just learn to let them roll off your back. as nene on real housewives of atlanta once said “let your haters be your motivators”.
:]
Vulnerability itself is somewhat of a skill. It can either make people see that you are in fact human and help them bond with you, or it can come across as condescending and irritate people. It all depends on the magnitude and nature of the problems and who you’re talking to.
It’s generally well documented that the more well known you become, the more people there are that don’t like you. I say “well known” because success is not necessarily a part of it. You can never fully get rid of the pundits, but how you portray yourself in public determines whether overall you are a beloved public icon like Obama, or one of those people you “love to hate” like Kevin Federline.
Being honest is always better than being ‘right’. You are going to have some people that disagree with your opinions – and you are going to have many that agree. Everyone doesn’t have to be harmonious on everything – and if they were, blogs would be pretty uninteresting to read.
Your goal shouldn’t be to always raise controversy, but when you do, great! It makes for more engrossing conversation. Getting many different perspectives is always better than reading a blog post, followed by 20 ‘I agree’ comments. Keep doing what you do!
Jamie,
I just found your website for your job quest @ Twitter position and your blog today so I’ve been trying to catch up.
First of all, I, myself, am an executive assistant and, my gods, your ambition and creativity are incredible. I have no problem with admitting a little bit of jealousy. Hey, it just makes me want push myself harder and learn new things to keep up with you. No one loses in that situation.
Second, I really enjoyed this post so don’t kick yourself about being vulnerable. I’ll echo what’s been said – you’re only human.
You’re doing fine.
Jamie,
A great post. I have some advice for you (even though you didn’t ask). There are two groups of people that you should not pay much attention to:
People who hate what you are doing and tell you all the time.
People who love what you are doing and tell you all the time.
Both types will divert you from really understanding the value of what you create. You Twitter site is a great idea. Is it the best you ever had? May seem so right now, but I doubt that will be the case even a few short months from now. It’s just an idea you put into practice. Some people will say you are brilliant because of it. Others will call you an idiot. Listening to either is a mistake.
It’s hard when something big happens to you suddenly. It’s easy to start believing what other say about you when that happens. Although it is difficult to not fall into the illusion of other’s opinions of you, it is a great time to test your personal strength.
I became friends with a Billionaire a few years back, and I was struck by how humble he was. I talked to some of his friends that had known him long before he had money, and they all said the same thing: “He’s the same as he ever was, but just with a bigger bank account”. He managed to stay true to who he was even though he had no end of people telling him how great he was (or his competition who hated him). It’s not that he was invulnerable, he just knew that the opinions of others that did not truly know him were not worth much.
It’s difficult to remember who you really are when lots of people around you are trying to define you.
There’s my 2 cents. Even though you didn’t ask for it.
You have made an impact in the social media. Could hear a lot about you just in a random browsing..
Your efforts will win. All the best!
Based on my very limited experience, the number one advice I have for bloggers, artists, entrepreneurs, politicians, and pretty much everyone is: Leave Your Ego at the Door. This blog isn’t about you, the Twitter campaign isn’t about you, your guest post on Penelope Trunk’s blog isn’t about you. It’s about your readers.
You’re stumbling through this life just like everyone else and sharing what you learn as you go. That’s brave and generous of you, Jamie, and it isn’t something most people have the guts or the generosity to do. Keep your eye what’s important– helping your readers– and all that negativity will stop mattering so much. In fact, you might find that a lot of it goes away.
Good luck, girl.
Hi Jamie,
Congratulations on your blog, and all your related endeavours. Especially this post. I’m very new to all this, and it took me awhile to actually get stuck in and write something – and then click publish! Because I was SO worried about what people would think of me (if anyone actually read my blog haha) and that I better wait til I had something worthy to write. But I learnt two things from this post and your last one – to write about anything and it will come, and to be honest and take the good with the bad and I’m sure I’ll become a better person because of it. I don’t expect my blog to change the world or be followed by tens let alone thousands, but thanks for having the courage to put yourself out there, and I’ll enjoy doing the same.
All I have to say is, props to you for putting real feels out there for everyone to read. That is a huge challenge and you did it.
I’m new to your blog, but I will for sure be back for more.
once i checked a link on my blog that was sending me traffic and found out some guy was making fun of my site and posted a link. i was really discouraged, but you just have to go forward. you can’t please everyone, and you shouldn’t try. believe in what you write, and write what you believe.
Jamie,
I’m one of the thousands that read your posting in PT’s blog and as a 40+ yr.old, I had a different opinion than yours.
That’s to be assumed.
You did capture my interest, however, and now two weeks later I’m following up to see how you’re doing.
I’m not surprised your week was “one for the books.” One person commented on your PT posting that people your age have not yet acquired the experience of knowing how transparency can affect them. How much to reveal. When to reveal. What response it will bring.
You acquired a lot of experience in one week’s time, that’s for sure.
But, you know, there’s still more you need to learn. There’s more you should expect in life: The more outspoken, the more opinionated, the more public you are; the more response, of all kinds, you’re going to get.
By posting to PT’s blog, you broadened your audience far beyond the small Gen Y world of your Intersected blog. It’s only natural that responses would be just as broad.
You’re going to run into this in the job world as well. On a daily basis, you’ll be dealing with people of all kinds, all ages, all opinions and all interests – few of which are you (ouch, I know, but sadly true).
Basically, what I’m saying is, don’t step into the fire without expecting some heat. And know that it will be hotter than you expected.
First I wanted to say congrats on getting twitter’s attention, you go girl! I wish you all the luck in the world on getting the job you want (at twitter wherever your journey leads you).
Second, don’t listen to all the haters. They are just jealous that they didn’t think of the ’twittershouldhireme’ site first. I think it’s brilliant. Keep it coming.