I’m off dating. I’m living at home for what seemed like a temporary amount of time, but now feels increasingly more permanent. Needless to say, I’m celibate, by my own accord, I must add, but still, it’s sad. So, to supplant my lack of sex, I decided to write a post about how sex is like social networking. Sex, the thing I’m not doing meets social networking, the thing I am doing (but not in the biblical sense; get your mind out of the gutter; seriously; yes, misuse of semi-colons, I know; but I love this punctuation and hardly ever get to use it; so I’m abusing it; end parenthetical rubbish).
Tip: Hover the links for goodness.
1. Anonymity is acceptable, but generally looked down upon
Well, you could go the whole “Eyes Wide Shut” route with sex and be a non-entity, but it makes it difficult for someone to connect with you when you are just your anatomy. It takes personality and connection to make a really hot sexual encounter, not to mention a more memorable one. Same with social media. It may seem tempting to keep your name off of a hot debate or a disagreeable response to a blog post, but it also pulls away from the response in general. Plus, the best part about social media is networking and connecting with people, which is impossible when you are lurking or staying anonymous. Sex is better with connection and so is social networking. Take off the mask and jump in — just watch out for #5.
2. A one time thing is pretty cool, but a relationship is more fulfilling
Sure, if you connect momentarily with someone during a fun ONS (one night stand), it can be quite a fulfilling experience. However, it usually turns out to make us feel a bit dirty and empty when we partake in the instant gratification night. Social networking is the same way. Yeah, it’s great to connect for a moment and really feel that can’t-quite-put-your-finger-on-it spark, but in no way is that a replacement for a lasting relationship. You could absolutely reply to a few people on, say, Twitter, but if you don’t continue those conversations and take it to the next level (go to their blog, find them on FB, LinkedIn, 20SB, Brazen Careerist), then that connection almost seems to happen in vain. We all need a good one time lovin’, but we all know the relationship is going to bring us more perks.
3. If you whore yourself out, you’ll get somewhere, but probably not where you want to be
With sex, some people are all for quantity over quality, but I always tend to wonder if they are actually happy with their multiple “conquests.” True, if you whore yourself out to anyone, you will probably get laid, but is that what you really want? Do you just want notches on your belt? We all know of those people who are using social media to whore out products or their blogs or themselves and while they may think they are getting value out of their involvement, they aren’t really on point, in my opinion. You can sacrifice great content and meaningful connections for more friends, followers, and subscribers, but while those numbers can be quantifiable, they are not any measure of success. Being a part of the vast network that is social media is. And, having a new person to wake up to each morning may not be signifying how attractive you are, but a strong indication that if you ask enough times, you’re bound to get a yes in there sooner or later.
4. It’s a lot more fun when you give and receive
You give a little love. Get a little back. Sex is way more fun when it’s mutually beneficial. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it can be fun when it’s all give or *wink* all take. When social media is involved, you can be a taker, becoming glutinous about trackbacks and retweets and recommendations, but if you don’t give at least a little, your audience stops feeling connected with you. Plus, giving makes us happy. And, after a while, I would think receiving so much attention through social media without giving any back can just feel isolating. So, remember that if someone scratches your back, scratch theirs back (funny thing about my back is that it’s located on my…). It’s only fair.
5. Actually, when something spreads, it’s positive on the internet, but not so much with sex
With sex, spreading anything infectious is just not kosher. As the crazy kids say these days, keep it in your pants. Yet, with social media, you sure as hell want your stuff to spread, become infectious, and generally turn viral. Say the same about sexual diseases and you’re insane. Most people’s goal with social networking is to be able to spread and become contagious within their niche. They want to be like an STI, just without the discharge grossness and burning sensations (too far?). Within social networking, we all want to be viral and while with sex, catching something is not our goal, it is with networking. And, the secret behind infectiousness and contagiousness in social media is what most of us want to know. On the other hand, I’m fine staying in the dark about the infectiousness and contagiousness in relation to sex. Just sayin’…
What do you all think? Do you have some other social media/sex relational information to add?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Um, I want to say F*** You and make it funny, but that feels way wrong, and pretty impossible to make funny. I would mean it in the nicest possible way, with no overtones at all. (are you laughing yet?)
Oooh, one of my cats just paraded her latest prize mouse by the window. There’s tone to that.
I just want to lurk anonymously a while longer, and really really don’t want sex when I move into the codger generation in a couple more minutes now (STDs rampant there now too!!??). Or am I like that shy one at an orgy (go find that ref, young lady)
Celibacy at this end of life is peaceful and a big relief, though social networking hasn’t become a draw yet. I’m scared of all things viral, I guess.
Meanwhile, I’m thanking you for giving me a hand, unwittingly and by odd coincidence, to better sense how this blogging thing works. So far, I’m just writing writing writing for the hell of it, in moments I can snatch from working working working.
Good stuff. Thanks!! (can trading comments cause infection?)
Number 5 made me crack up. If that rule applied to you, you would definitely be something like… I don’t know… gonorrhea?
Was that too un-PC? Cause I don’t mean it like that. You get me.
You’re so funny and fabulous (and practical too!). When are you coming to Madison?
All of these points are very true. To add to #3, with sex if you whore yourself out to people it can be very off-putting to others. If you whore out your blog or product it annoys people and can be off-putting.
Nice reference to Superbad in #4 btw.
@Lex – At first I thought you genuinely were telling me to f*** off and I was pretty surprised! But then, I read it again and cracked up! You’re like the shy one in the orgy (anyone? anyone?). You’re like the one person in the orgy NOT getting any. You’re THAT shy.
Glad I was able to give you an idea about how blogging works! I’m going to yours in just one second.
@Valerie M – Coming from you, being told I am gonorrhea is a compliment. I thank you.
@Rebecca – Well, I’m guessing since some of the coolest people in the world live in Madison, I’ll need to make it out there at some point. Just not when it’s snowing or humid or, basically, not when any weather is happening. =)
@Derek – You got the Superbad reference! YAY! And, absolutely with the whoring yourself out with blogging. It’s really off-putting — I can think of a few blogs that are very “buzzy” that I don’t subscribe to because of this effect.
So true, Jamie! When you get the sense that someone is using social media purely to build themselves up and it’s very off-putting, as you say. Blogging should be about giving– you just take enough to sustain yourself so that you can keep giving more. And when a blogger isn’t looking at it that way? It’s pretty obvious.
Same with sex.
p.s. Thanks for the linkage! And I’m loving the new look.
Love the post, and particularly in love with #1. Sex is never as good when you’re hiding parts of yourself.
I am horrible about “lurking”… maybe Lex and I could start a Lurker support group…
Great, Great Post. I’m a lurker, but not because I don’t want to comment, clearly, its because I lack time. Which most everyone does.
And….the funny thing about your back is that its located on your cock! Funny that you put that in there! ha ha ha! Awesome!
This is the first time I’ve read you BTW. Your link came across my tweet! Now THAT sounds dirty. ha ha!
The analogies here are priceless. Never thought to make the comparison between blogging and sex, but you are pretty spot on. Very nice!
@Laurie – Yeah, with sex, you should be in it to win it.
Thanks for stopping by!
@Marie – Lurker Support Group – I think you have something there. Problem is, no one would participate! Womp womp.
@Renee – So glad my link came across your tweet. Wow, that really does sound dirty. Awesome. Thanks for commenting!
@Matt – Haha thanks Matt! I like to make otherwise unrelated topics somehow become very much related. It’s fun.
Don’t forget the most important thing:
Lack of foresight and preparation breeds unintended consequences!
“The Twitter” sounds like some sort of a vibrator, which I suppose Twitter could be if you set your phone notifications to vibrate. I’m going to follow you and try it.
@Amy – please let me know how that goes. I’m curious about the “outcome.”
Like this?
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/bluetooth-vibrator-joy-for-techsavvy-ladies-133325.php
lol, I loved this article! I am reminded of one quote though on anonymity. The author said that anonymity is necessary for the life of their blog because it allowed them to be totally open and honest about what they do and how they feel.
As long as you have a way of getting in contact with each other, a relationship can be established and thats just the tops.